all in a Christmas bulb

New Years Eve is tomorrow, the kids are finally asleep, Christmas lights twinkling and I’m feeling reflective. I love to be reflective -odd duck that I am- perhaps it’s my newly acquired old age, my old soul, or just the quiet of a winter’s evening as a difficult year wraps up-but regardless I’m feeling reflective.

As I look at the Christmas tree from the vantage point of my rocking chair I see so many tiny symbols of so many memories; my first baby ornament, my first babies ornaments, my first Christmas with Chad, our family vacation adventures, the ornaments made with my Nanny, those made by my Nanny, it’s hardly thematic except that it symbolizes so much of my life.  But this year, one particular Christmas bulb stands out, actually there are four of them now.

It is a pretty burgundy colour with gold glitter swirls that catch the glow of the lights just right and once, 14 years ago actually, there were 12 of them. It was a very difficult year personally. I was struggling trying to find my own way, lost in the mess of it all, estranged from my family, finding myself friendless, confused and lonely finishing university exams when one of my professors pulled me into her office.  She handed me a Christmas gift and asked me to open it. I didn’t know what to think of this as I didn’t really know her at all other than I had enjoyed her class but I sat down in her office chair and opened the gift, it was snowing outside and the view of campus from the window was breathtaking.

It was a box of pretty Christmas bulbs. I stared at her as she said to me, “This Christmas, things are hard, really hard Heidi, but I want you to promise me something. Every year hang these bulbs on your Christmas tree and believe in the hope for tomorrow and tomorrow. One day you will be hanging them, with your heart so full, with employment you love, married to a wonderful man, with children under foot, laughter all around. This is hard for you to imagine now, but you must have the hope for tomorrow and perseverance to fight for it. Every year there will be fewer and fewer of these ornaments as you pack them away but let them be a reminder that the pain of the past or the present must never override the hope of tomorrow.” I said a quiet “thank you” not knowing how to really respond and left her office and her classes.  The next year was darker still but still every year I hung the bulbs.

This Christmas as we decorated the tree Eliya broke one of my bulbs, crestfallen she looked at me knowing it was a special ornament. I was teary to collect her on my knee and tell her a story of one year when her Mommy was so sad and lonely and someone gifted her a box of those ornaments to symbolize hope she could barely muster up.  I smiled and hugged her close telling her that that lady had even told her that one day her children would drop and break the ornaments and there would be fewer and fewer each year to hang. I told her how I couldn’t believe then that I’d be so blessed from such brokenness.

So this Christmas, and this 35th birthday, I just can’t help but be reflective and brought to tears with the overwhelming story of God’s grace, forgiveness, restoration and astounding blessings symbolized in the four bulbs that remain on my Christmas tree. As my friend’s young son said to her “Sometimes, you don’t need toys for Christmas. Sometimes, all you need is hope.”  May you too experience “the hope for tomorrow and tomorrow” packaged in the grace and forgiveness only Jesus brings.