Why I do my Christmas Shopping online

Yesterday, 11am get to mall discover poop explosion and no diaper bag . 
Purchase diapers, wipes and deodorant. 
Kids are starving, buy lunch. 
Pass free kittens outside walmart 4 year old sobs incessantly wanting a kitten. Apparently she can read the word free. She sees “fake Santa” and cheers up. 
Looking for staff party Xmas sweater I pass the one store with maternity wear to find a sign saying “no carts allowed”. 
Walk to other end of mall for a chapters gift card. Try to squish 9 month belly and cart full of grabbing kids in the checkout to have other purchaser growl when they can’t get by my crying four year old who insists i bought the wrong gift card. 
Hunt through mall for the gift I want that isn’t over priced at $40. Place I want to stop has one unmarked item but they are so busy I can’t get near with my cart. 
Kids want to play. Proceed to play yard. 
Time to pack everyone up to pick 6 year old up at school. 
Sleeping kids in car, tims coffee stop. 
Back in town to try a different store, no Christmas gift but do have a mat sweater, clerk suggests I try it on-yeah right! 
Did I mention every time I take the two year old out of the cart he looses his boots? 
New store.
Back to initial stop for unmarked gift, could care less how crazily priced it is now. Wait for 15min with employee flirting with young man customer examining flasks who then buys nothing. I could use one at this point while my kids hang upside down from me, running, pinching, singing Christmas tunes at the top of their lungs, trying to drink someone’s cup of left behind hot chocolate. Finally clerk attends me to find the unmarked gift is in my price range. 
I smell more poop. 
Off to pick up Daddy from work.