but, I love you…
It is a hard day. A swell of unexpressed grief rises and won’t be ignored any longer as I step outside for a breath of crisp, fresh air. Moments later, unabated, I reach in the front door for the car keys. I know, “stay home”, but I can’t. Not today. I swing through the drive-thru, ashamed of my coffee purchase and hit the empty road. I’m not sure where I’m going. Past the grocery store lines, people spaced 6 feet apart outside in the cold. Past my empty place of worship, uncharacteristically quiet. Past the closed office buildings, parking lots with undisturbed puddles of melted snow. Past the turnoff to my best friend’s house, desperate for a heart to heart face to face.
but I love you…
I hear Nanny is sick, again, fighting excruciating pain daily. A family member stops by to check on her and she comes to the patio door, bracing a kitchen chair to steady her. The sunlight illuminates her grey halo, earned through more than eight decades of hardship and joy, celebration and grief. Will she rally again? I long to jump in the car and drive to see her.
but I love you…
Who’s up for a virtual coffee date? A sunny Spring morning finds 5 women’s faces popping online to check-in. How are you? No really. Tell me a funny story. They laugh and listen, eyes smart with unshed tears, because truly it is hard. What does the Bible say? Can I pray for you? How long will it be before we can gather together again? An hour slips by quickly.
But I love you…
My parents stand at the edge of the driveway, chalked with childish greetings, leaning against the red car still warm from it’s Easter delivery. The children run towards them for a hug and presents, giggling and laughing, mud-splattered and rosy-cheeked. They stop themselves up short, 6 feet too short for a hug.
but I love you…
A shaky video call with her classmates, 5-year-olds all chattering away at the same time, listening and talking, giggling and prancing around, putting on a show for each other. Her little friends have no words to explain what they hear and see and feel as their whole world revolves around home again. And her teacher leans in calling each by name, and they lean in to hear it, “I don’t know when we will see each other again…”
but I love you…
Perhaps in all the business of working full time and raising four children, juggling home and work and busy schedule, perhaps I took you for granted. Perhaps I didn’t realize just how essential expressing our love for one another is each day. Perhaps I took for granted sitting across from you on the couch, or at the table, giving and receiving a hug. Perhaps I let the day slip by, the week, the month, even the year without daring to say it or making time to say it, but now when everything in me is drawn to go to you, I’ll stay home…
because I love you.
**March 9th, 2020 the Department of Education and Early Childhood Development required all international travellers returning home to NB to self-quarantine from schools for 14 days following their return due to the worldwide Corono Virus (Covid19) outbreak.
March 11th the Chief Medical Officer of Health required all visitors who have travelled outside the country in the last 14 days to restrict entering long term care homes, nursing home and senior’s residences.
March 12th, large public gatherings of 150 or more cancelled; gatherings of more than 10 in a small area discouraged.
March 16th, NB Schools closed indefinitely.
March 19th, Public Health declared a State of Emergency, everyone is asked to “Stay Home” and self isolate.
April 2nd, NB Schools closed for the remainder of the school term.
