Fight: Parenting 101

FIGHT.

Not likely the first words you expect to hear as one of the most important words we can remember as parents.

Perhaps you’re a mom or dad of a newborn and when you hear those words all you can think of is
FIGHT for them to eat!
FIGHT for them to sleep.
FIGHT for 5 minutes of me time!!

Maybe you’re the parent of a preschooler. Those adorable, chubby little hands… that can pinch and push and slap.  Maybe you think…
FIGHT to get out the door!
FIGHT to negotiate the tantrum in the mall and calmly!
FIGHT to just wear the clothes you set out for her!

No, you’re the parent of a child in K. Those gorgeous, angelic little faces… that can curl and twist, scowl and demand
“No! my way!” and you want to…
FIGHT. Right. Back.
“No my way!”

Or the bravest of the brave, maybe you are the parent of a middle schooler when the word FIGHT can take on many new connotations of
negotiation,
manipulation,
cooperation…all those words that end in “ion”; words that are scary, complicated and a far cry from black and white pat answers.

The truth is parenting can often feel like a FIGHT.  We don’t want to admit it of course, but it’s not easy. I’m going to be honest, I’ve been paying close attention to parents for at least 10 years now, really close attention because it’s part of my employment and more importantly I have 4 children of my own. I’ve noticed something about those who are ahead of me in the parenting journey. They’ve learned to FIGHT hard for what really matters; the heart of their child through all their developmental phases.

If we can find a way to learn at the beginning stages that parenting is less about controlling and creating a person, and more about acknowledging that this little person was created in the image of God, not me, and my job as his parent is to
study him,
enjoy him,
guide and direct him,
always fighting for his heart over his behaviors, for relationship over rules, I think we will find our way through ok. Knowing that our children were created in the image of God changes how we see them, how they see themselves and how they even see God.

When parenting is a rule based thing, not a relationship thing, as long as children are following the rules, things are good, but when rules are broken there is nothing to stand on and consequently, often, nothing to return to.This doesn’t mean of course that we don’t have rules and expectations, but the families I’ve watched fight for relationship over rules seem to come out ok in the end.

From the time a child enters K until High School graduation they have approximately 936 weeks in our homes.  If we use a marble to represent every week, it seems like a fun jar in K, but by middle school and then high school we realize that our time actually, is really limited, in every phase.  So  let’s do our best not to miss it.

“When you see how much time you have left you tend to do better with the time you have now”.  – Reggie Joiner.

So let’s be intentional about the phases, show up, time after time and FIGHT for the heart of our kids.