My Marked Heart: 10 years later
I was painting the stage wall charcoal black and remembering.
I was tucking my oldest girls in and remembering.
I was leading a training meeting and remembering.
I was laughing with a friend and remembering.
I was curling in to fall asleep on my husbands chest and remembering.
I didn’t say anything out loud because there aren’t really words that meet sound adequately, but all week I was remembering; me and my marked heart.
Today was a perfect day for quiet remembering. I was thankful for the stormy weather that shut down the city so I didn’t have to be anything but present with my thoughts and my family.
The early morning hours were filled with the business of deciding and communicating a winter storm cancelation plan for church services, but then I rolled back over to sleep until mid morning; a luxurious treat. I woke to the sounds and smells of my husband making a big breakfast in the kitchen.
As I lingered in bed, my mind drifted. 10 years ago I was on my first international flight to Haiti with World Vision. Memories filled every space of my bedroom: of a Haitian musical welcome, Haitian busy streets and smells, the adventure lust of a new place and the excitement to be about something bigger than myself. Soon they were replaced with memories of body trembling, mind numbing fear and the impossible realization that the ground was falling out from under me and the ceiling falling in around me. My littles burst open my bedroom door and jumped in bed to snuggle beside me jarring back to the guilty relief of knowing I am safe and alive.
Perhaps it’s strange how my heart has marked this day. I’m no longer overcome with grief or dealing with the after effects of trauma. I don’t fly out of my skin when the washer shakes the floor, and I can fly without my head in between my knees singing, “I will not be afraid!” to regulate my breathing. But my heart is marked.
We aren’t allowed to return to Haiti to visit the Haitian communities we support right now:
because the city is the gateway to all the communities
because the political climate in the city is so turbulent and violent,
because families in the city are sitting down to supper and machine guns are ripping up their houses and leaving their loved ones dead at the table,
because the government is corrupt and there are no systems in the city to protect the vulnerable.
But I also know in the countryside a mother leans in to nurse her baby, a father tills the dry earth to grow food, children laugh and play and giggle, community leaders fight to educate, support and develop their beloved people.
And the media is silent.
But today, my marked heart hears my Haitian friends. I hear their cries and their praise, their laughter and their sorrow. And I sense our brotherhood on my marked heart.
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The project that I was travelling to go see 10 years ago was a partnership with World Vision called FreddyLink. In the 10 years since, World Vision’s work with FreddyLink has been a great success, and we are now beginning work in a new community. To learn more visit www.FreddyLink.com
For All That Stayed the Same
